In Memory of My Grandfather

Wednesday, 8th July, 2009 ~ That's the date my beloved grandpa went to heaven. He is 92 years of age. This is the first time in my life I lost a close relative. People told me I shouldn't cry as grandpa had a long, wonderful & fruitful life, but the silly girl in me grieved & cried many times. It had been slightly more than a week already. Had took me that long to get over it or rather, stable-minded enough to write about it. I wanna put in down in words, the memories of those few days when it's still so clear in my mind. For remembrance, to pay tribute & say a final farewell to my dear grandpa.

A Tribute to My Grandfather


When I was much younger, I stay with my grandparents. Had very fond memories of an enjoyable time in their big house & garden. My grandpa was a very nice & gentle guy, always cheerful, always having a big smile for us kids, always helpful. As kids, my brother & me were very mischievous. When we got into serious trouble, grandpa will the only one who will tried to make our punishments lighter, shielding us from the wrath of our parents. He will be there for me when I feel sad or cried, always managed to cheered me up no matter what. When I grew older, staying at my parents' house which is quite a distance from my grandparents' home, I visited them as much as I could. With much sadness, I watched my grandpa grew older, feebly, unable to move or do much on his own. Sad for him as he had been an active man. Whenever I saw him in his helpless conditions, I cried, but always hiding my tears from him. My grandpa is also a very brave, a non-complaining kind of person who suffered in silence, never utter a sound of pain, never letting anyone see how much pain he had in order not to cause problems or worries for others around him. I found out much later, from doctor's report, that actually, he was in constant pain during the last few days of his life. He kept up the brave front till the very end. We never knew. He will never let us know. That's my brave & gallant grandpa!

The very last pic I'd with my grandpa was taken at my grandparents' home on Lunar New Year, 6.10 pm, Thursday, 29th January, 2009.

Me with my grandma & grandpa


The evening before my grandpa passed away, I remember very vividly there was a bright full moon in the sky. I'd noticed many full moon before, but I dunno why I was intrigued by that evening's full moon. It was very beautiful, especially when I noticed a plane flying by it, silhouetted by the huge bright moon. Was a lovely sight, but at the same time, I felt coldness. Later, immediately after dinner, I had stomach cramp, ache & went to toilet to dump. The morning after, at about 10 am, I received a call from my dad saying that my grandpa is gone, I'd felt no emotion, no reaction. Was like sort of expecting it. Strange thing was, later at the funeral parlor, my dad mentioned that on the evening before, my grandpa had voided all his body's wastes, causing my dad to cleaned him up many times. It was like my grandpa seemed to know that he had to cleanse himself before he goes to heaven. That was the same time I had my stomachache. On the first evening of the funeral rituals, there was also a full moon overhead, this time with a beautiful rainbow halo around it.

Full Moon Night


During the 3 days of the funeral rituals, I'd strange feelings that my grandpa was beside me many times. While asleep at the place, my brother told me he dreamt grandpa came to hug him. On the third day, after the sea burial which my grandpa had wished for, I went back to my room in the late evening. When I opened the door, I noticed a moth in the room. It flew in a circle & suddenly zoomed passed me out of the room. Silly hamster me screamed & cried. Was frighten out of my wits! Fortunately, my soulmate was there to calm me down. My room's windows & door were closed all those days when I was away at the rituals. How did that moth get in?!? Local folklore tells of soul of the departed coming back as butterfly or moth to bid a final farewell to those they love the most. Was that my dear grandpa telling me goodbye?
Those happenings & connections might sound ridiculous, but still... Whatever those incidents might implement, in my heart, my grandpa will always be one of my favorite person in the world. It is said that time will heal anything. Now, whenever I look up at a beautiful sky or a bright full moon, I know where my grandpa is, always caring for me still. I'm glad he's in a better place now. Farewell, my dear grandpa. May you rest in peace. Whatever future journey you might take, will be a blissful & happy one.

In closing, I would like to thanks all who had supported & consoled me during one of the saddest moment in my life. I am very grateful for all your kind words, deeds & prayers.

Blue Solace